How To Cope With The Loss Of A Dog
When your dog passes away, you often feel very lost, in shock, confused, and just not sure where to turn.
I learned some helpful strategies that helped me deal with the loss of my beloved companion, Reno. I believe they can help you cope with your loss too.
How to Cope with the Loss of A Dog: Allow Healing Time, Get Help, Make a Memorial, Prayer and Meditation.
This past year, my miniature Dachshund, Reno passed away. I was devastated and all I wanted was answers. I had so many questions racing around in my head all at once.
I was in a whirlwind of hurt. I had lost the dog that I had by my side for so many years. He was with me before I was married and before I had kids. He was just always there, and now he is not.
Tears are still flowing today as I write this. I needed help to be able to keep going without my dog beside me. Reno was a dappled dachshund (pictured below). He was my fur baby, my short-legged shadow, and my best friend.
Why Does The Loss Of A Dog Hurt So Much?
To many of us, our dog wasn’t just a pet. They were a big part of our family and a big part of us. They brought love and companionship into our lives.
A dog adds routine and structure to our everyday. They were the influence that helped you go for a walk or go to the park for some outdoor exercise. Someone to tuck in every night and sometimes to share a bed with. They relied on you for love, affection, and care.
Sometimes, we don’t become aware of how much we relied on our dogs for a sense of purpose until they are gone.
When a dog dies, it is completely normal to feel such a strong sense of painful grief both mentally and physically.
I remember my pastor at church describing the loss of a loved one feeling like a “ton of bricks” pounding you up against a wall. Yes… that is what it felt like to me.
When grieving the death of your faithful companion, it can be as painful, if not more so, than grieving the loss of a human friend or family member.
Grieving is unique for everyone.
The method people use to cope or survive the loss of a beloved dog can be very different between members of the same family.
How To Cope With The Loss Of A Dog
Keep in mind that everyone is different and will take a different amount of time to grieve and go through the healing process of losing a dog.
The way that we personally grieve is an expression of the love that we felt, the pain of the loss, and what we need to do to be able to keep going without our faithful friend.
Remember, your dog’s memory isn’t gone, it will remain with you forever.
Below, I have pointed out some helpful steps to walk you through the grieving process and finding ways to heal and keep the memory of your dog alive.
4 Ways To Cope With The Loss Of A Dog
Allow Healing Time
Reach Out for Help
Make a Memorial
Meditation and Prayer
Allow Healing Time
It helps to recognize and accept that your dog has passed away. Acknowledging the reality of their death is the first step towards healing. This was the hardest part for me.
Healing will happen when you go through the pain.
It sounds difficult, but it is the truth. The relationship you shared with your dog is a very special and unique bond. Going through the proper motions will help you find peace and start the healing process.
Moving Towards The Pain:
Take the time to work through All of your feelings. It is important to allow those hard to bare, heavy, sad thoughts to come through.
It is so difficult, I know, but it is necessary to heal.
It is OK to let it All out, Cry it out. Don’t hold it in, just let it go.
Take time to release your emotions in your own way. Healing won’t happen if you stuff your emotions down and ignore them.
My Personal Experience:
I promise not to go into too much detail, just what helped me heal. For me, crying was a big part of releasing my pain for Reno’s loss. Reno was 14 years old. So, he was considered a senior dog…but he didn’t seem like an older dog to me.
Just that morning he was romping around the house, playing, and barking as usual. He never showed his age.
When everything started to happen that evening, I felt like I was in some sort of “Robot Mode.” I didn’t know what was happening, I just felt numb.
I took him to the emergency vet. We spent the evening there, looking for answers and finding issues. I did not know that it was time to say goodbye. I wasn’t ready, I was in denial.
The following morning, decisions were made to help relieve my dachshund from his suffering.
I had to say goodbye even though I didn’t want to. When I arrived home, I was in total shock. I had never felt these strong, heavy emotions before.
It was all so new to me. I felt like I was spinning out of control and I had no one to catch me when I fell.
Writing It Down:
I prayed for help and something told me to write it all down. I found an old notebook and a pencil and I wrote down everything.
Though I had family members concerned and sad for me (they were sad too), they didn’t know what I was going through. It was all bunched inside of me and I had to let it out.
My pencil couldn’t keep up with the words pouring out of my head. I wrote at least three full pages of details of what I could remember. I tried to make sense of it all.
When I was finished, I felt that spinning in my head stop. The weight of that shocking event had been released.
I wasn’t done being sad, but this was my first step to be able to breathe again.
So, for some, it may be crying to release their emotions, but taking time to reflect and writing things down may also help you find some relief.
Make Time To Heal:
Give yourself permission to grieve. Take time out of the first few days of your loss to stop and just sit quietly, cry, or just take some deep breaths.
What happened to you does matter, a lot!
It doesn’t matter what others say or think. Your dog loved you, and losing them feels like you were hit with a ton of bricks, literally.
You can’t rush grieving time. Be easy on yourself and allow yourself to feel what is in your heart.
Take Care of Yourself:
Finding ways to feel normal again is an important step. Develop new routines and make adjustments that define your life moving forward.
Losing someone we love can be draining emotionally and physically.
Keep breathing, eating, and getting enough sleep. Treat yourself to some comfort food, you deserve it.
When your dog passes away, it is normal to question the purpose of pets in your life. It is so important to come to terms with this question and help you through your grief.
Don’t be discouraged if you don’t find the most stable answers. It is healthy to keep asking questions.
The grieving process will happen gradually over time. It can’t be hurried along or rushed.
Keep this in mind, there is no time limit on grief.
It is yours alone, not someone else’s. Be patient with yourself and allow the process to run its course naturally.
I learned that feeling upset, shocked, and alone are totally normal reactions to the loss of a pet. Never feel ashamed.
You are not alone and You will be OK.
Allowing yourself to show your feelings is not a sign of weakness. This is a part of healing to help you be able to move on.
Ignoring your pain or bottling it up inside will only make things worse.
Hardening your heart will only end up Hardening You.
It is necessary to face your grief head-on. No one feels comfortable doing it. It is something that needs to be done.
Other Living Pets:
If you have other pets at home, try to continue your normal daily routines for a little while, for their sake. Your other pets can also experience loss when a pet dies. Giving them more affection, making special play times, or having more walks can help them feel loved and lift up your mood as well.
Guilt:
Guilt is, unfortunately, a common feeling after losing a dog. Instead of reminiscing about all of the love and care you gave to your companion, you find yourself asking the “What If’s”:
- “What if I had done things differently… “
- “What if I had taken him to the vet sooner…”
The things you should be remembering is how much you really loved your dog. The proof is in the pain you are feeling following their loss.
The initial sad feelings will lessen over time. Our love for our dog doesn’t end when they pass away.
Some owners hold a grudge against themselves and worry that if they let go of their grief, they are letting go of the bond they had with their dog. That is not true.
After we mourn, there will be a time of peace and you will remember the many good times together that will never be forgotten.
Keep Talking About Them:
Growing up in my house, we didn’t really talk about our loved ones who had passed away. It was like it was forbidden and too sad to bring up. That is so wrong!
Talking about Reno with my husband and my kids is part of the healing we need as a family. I want my children to ask me questions, even when it is hard to answer.
I want them to know it is ok to laugh about the funny times we had with our Reno. We also had funny songs we would sing to Reno.
We still sing them and we still talk about him. We will always miss him, but never forget him or shut him out.
Reach Out For Help
Seek out support from your close friends and family members – who are Pet Loving People. If there is any time you need them, it definitely would be now.
Talking with other pet owners who have experienced the death of a pet can be helpful with the grieving process as well.
Attend some social events, join exercise classes, or do some volunteering. Getting out of the house can help give you and your mind a break from everything. Try not to dwell on the pain all day, every day.
Take time out of your day for grieving, but still allow yourself time to keep living.
Don’t shy away from talking to people who care about you. They can offer genuine sympathy. My sister invited me to come visit her a few days after I lost Reno.
We talked and cried together for several hours. It isn’t easy for me to talk and cry it out with others, but when I did, I felt a sense of relief.
Some more weight had been lifted after I had that long talk with my sister about Reno. I will always be grateful to her for lending an ear.
If it helps to talk about your dog’s death with a loved one or even a counselor, then you should do it.
Bereavement Groups:
This would be a good time to look for a bereavement support group. You can search for Pet Bereavement groups at your local church or support center.
There are several bereavement support groups online as well for pets on social media like Facebook Pet Loss Groups, Reddit Pet Loss Groups, and pet memorial websites.
Did you know that you can contact your veterinarian and ask them for some help? They can help you find a Pet Loss Support Group or give you a Pet Loss Hotline.
Professional Help:
If you don’t feel comfortable talking with loved ones about your loss, then talk to a counselor. Search online to find a local counselor who specializes in bereavement.
If you don’t feel comfortable talking to anyone, try Art Therapy. Counseling and Therapy will help you release so much pain that is buried inside.
Don’t be afraid to talk with your doctor if you feel like you are struggling to get your life back to normal.
Don’t go on this painful journey by yourself. You need to get some help to be able to heal.
Avoid Non-Pet People:
Avoid People who have no experience and offer too much personal advice. You know who they are. I have plenty of them in my family, and way too many friends who can’t even fathom owning a dog in their spotless homes.
Some of them will try to be helpful but will only end up making you feel worse.
Then there are the people who compare their stories to yours and try to make you feel like their situation was worse. Some may even say, “Go get another dog to fill the void”.
I actually did think about adopting another dog. But, then I woke up! My Reno was a well “established” miniature dachshund that I knew for many years.
Bringing home another dog or puppy won’t fill anything. Eventually, yes, I want to adopt another dog down the road, but I am in no hurry.
I believe that taking the proper time to grieve is essential.
I look forward to that new adventure with a new pup someday, but not right now.
Make a Memorial
Celebrating the memory of your beloved pup can be a good way of establishing closure. Some people choose to write a letter, create a shadow box, or make a picture collage.
Some pet owners have a special funeral for their dog. A funeral can help you and your family express their feelings and share fond memories.
Find a favorite space in the home or a spot at their favorite park to spend time remembering your dog.
There really is no wrong way to memorialize your dog’s life and the special experiences you shared with them.
When Reno passed, the first thing I thought about was, did I take enough pictures? I had seen his face every day for so many years, I needed to see his face again at least in pictures.
I looked on my computer and realized I had tons of pictures of Reno. I went online and created a nice image collage. I bought a shadow box from the craft store and pinned the collage in the back and placed his collar and tags in the front. That is my memorial to my very special dog.
Plant a tree or a beautiful flower in their memory. Make a memorial donation to an animal charity.
You can choose as simple or as elaborate as you like. Your choice of a memorial is unique to you. It’s all about what you feel comfortable doing.
After you have taken time to grieve through the pain of your loss, take some special time out of your day to look at past photographs of your dog and think of the good memories.
Writing down some funny stories can also help with the healing process. Reflect and focus on the positive memories that you shared. Find time to feel grateful for the time you did have together.
Meditation and Prayer
Did you know daily prayer and meditation can help you feel better? It can feel upsetting and painful that the outside world doesn’t take the time to slow down. Choosing a calming practice like meditation and prayer can help you clear your mind.
Meditation:
Meditation helps to actively focus on your breathing and release any stressful tension or anxiety in your body. You can find free guided meditations or just calming meditation music on YouTube that will help you along.
Prayer:
Read through the Rainbow Bridge. Reading emotional things isn’t really my cup of tea, but it really did help me feel better.
Many friends and family around you will share their own personal opinions on pets going to heaven and thoughts of an afterlife.
What matters most during these times is for you to find answers that are right for you and your personal beliefs.
I do believe in God. I strongly believe that my dog, Reno, is in heaven and is waiting for me.
It is a special feeling knowing that I will see him again when my time here on earth is done.
I believe that your dog will be waiting for you too.
Please know that the hard feelings you are experiencing now will become more tolerable with time.
Remember, the time together with your companion cannot be based on how it all ended.
Death does not represent the whole relationship you had with your dog.
What has helped you cope with the loss of your dog?
Grieving the loss of your dog
Why is losing a dog so hard?
Coping with the loss of a dog
Mourning the loss of your dog
When a Dog Dies..
How to survive the loss of a dog
stages of grief after losing a dog
Thank you so much for writing this. My heart needed it. One month ago I put my sweet Bueno to rest. He spent the last 15 years with me and was my true companion through everything. He was here just as your pup before my husband and kids, he slept in my bed every night, was my constant shadow and just the most wonderful little guy ever. I miss him so much, my heart feels broken into a thousand pieces. Everyday at this point feels different. Some days I can reminisce and laugh at all the wonderful funny memories and some days I just feel stuck, crying and not knowing how to do this life without him. This is something I have never experienced before so it all feels very foreign. I do have some peace knowing that he had a long wonderful life with us and that I too will be with him again one day. He will be waiting for me I’m sure of it.
Hi Haley, I’m so sorry for your loss of Bueno.
It sounds like you are doing a good job working through the grieving process. I know it can be really hard, but it is needed to heal.
Yes, I truly believe that your pup will be watching over you and waiting for you on the other side. Sending lots of prayers and hugs. Thanks so much for sharing with me.
Hi I had lost my dog March 14 of this year she was 17 year old she was older she had developed a lump under her arm thou she already had a tumor that the doctor did not want to do surgery due to her age I never forget that same day at around 1am she was breathing heavy we did not know what was happening try giving her mouth then she still breath heavy my husband try give her some oxygen from his machine nothing she got up pass on my arm foam in the mouth we was panicking crying till mother in law taken us on the ride she had dye in my arm but hospital they gave her cpr and injection to bring her back her heart came back but then was dying down then the doctor said did u know she had cancer that was trigger what happen even thou March 4th we taken her doctor he gave her med for pain of lump but long story short she passed and I did not want to say goodbye it still hurt and I wish could done more but I blame myself I see from what you wrote I can relate and see I’m not alone. I miss her every day my dog candy she was me N my husband daughter and she will be miss by my brothers N my mom all that love her this so so hard and heavy
Hi, I’m so sorry for your loss. It sounds like you went through a lot with her. It is a very painful time for you and your family. You are correct, know that you are not alone. I can tell she was very special to you and your husband. I truly believe she will always still be with you in spirit. Take time to grieve, you will be OK. Try to remember the good times with her and keep those memories with you always. Take care, sending prayers and hugs your way.
It came time to put my black Labrador Sammy down 2 1/2 months ago. He was 13 years old and had a tumor on his spleen. I am still crying when I think of him and what a wonderful companion he was to me. You are right that I will want another dog one day but for now I have to get passed this grief and guilt I feel over his death. He was so special that I fear I will never love another dog like I loved him. Thanks for the article, it helps to know others are going through the same experiences.
Hello, I’m so very sorry for your loss. This is a very difficult time right now and it is ok to still feel hurt or cry many months after your Sammy’s passing. I strongly believe that your special companion is still with you and knows how much you loved him.
Going through the grief is a hard but necessary process. You are going to be OK, it takes time. Yes, take your time before bringing home another dog or puppy. You have a special love for Sammy and you will have a special love for any new dog in the future as well. Yes, it will be ‘different’ because they will be different – and that’s ok. Thank you so much for your kind words, I do appreciate them. Sending prayers and hugs your way.
Thank you SO much for taking the time to write this. I began looking for something to help when I was faced with having to decide to put my 12 year old Beagle, Ellie Mae, down last Friday after finding out her heart was failing. I wasn’t expecting to have to make that decision at that time and just thought we had more time. The grief has been unimaginable and her absence is so incredibly loud. I have already often questioned if I should still be this upset about it a mere four days later. I am experiencing a lot of things that you talked about and this has made me feel very understood and made me feel okay about being this sad.
Thank you. So much.
Hello Danielle, I’m so sorry for your loss. May the Good memories of Ellie Mae bring you comfort during this time. You described everything perfectly. This type of pain is felt very deep. I’m so glad that this helped you out. Sending lots of *hugs* to you. Healing will take time and you will be OK.
Thank you for writing this. We lost our Bruno just 4 days ago. He was only 8.5 yrs old and did not deserve to go so soon. He was a very happy dog and was our sunshine. He would follow me around the house and I would talk to him about random things. I honestly felt that I won’t be able to cope with his passing. But I have been doing a few things everyday that are helping me heal. Me and my husband cook a larger quantity of the food we had got for Bruno and feed the stray dogs. I also talk to Bruno for 5 mins as soon as I wake up, I hold a flower from our pot in my hand and tell him how grateful I’m to have the opportunity to be his dog mom.
I completely agree about not talking about your feelings with someone who has never had a pet because they will never understand the magnitude of your pain. Right now I’m also scared to plant something in his memory because if that plant does not grow or dies soon, I will feel like I lost Bruno all over again. But crying and talking to my husband and listening to him talk about Bruno has given me some strength. In a way it is comforting to know that we feel the same kind of pain and guilt (which I hope will go someday) and we have each other to completely understand our feelings.
Rest, articles like these really help.
Sending strength and love to all the people here who were blessed to have pets that made their life more beautiful.
Hi, Thank you very much for your comment. I pray that you will find comfort and peace during this very difficult time.
I know you must miss your Bruno terribly. The pain itself does physically hurt and feels so heavy.
You are doing the right things for you and your comfort level, and that is great. Yes, overtime, it does start to feel better. Sending hugs and prayers your way. Take care.