How To Cope With The Loss Of A Dog
When your dog passes away, you often feel very lost, in shock, confused, and just not sure where to turn.
I learned some helpful strategies that helped me deal with the loss of my beloved companion, Reno. I believe they can help you cope with your loss too.
How to Cope with the Loss of A Dog: Allow Healing Time, Get Help, Make a Memorial, Prayer and Meditation.
This past year, my miniature Dachshund, Reno passed away. I was devastated and all I wanted was answers. I had so many questions racing around in my head all at once.
I was in a whirlwind of hurt. I had lost the dog that I had by my side for so many years. He was with me before I was married and before I had kids. He was just always there, and now he is not.
Tears are still flowing today as I write this. I needed help to be able to keep going without my dog beside me. Reno was a dappled dachshund (pictured below). He was my fur baby, my short-legged shadow, and my best friend.
Why Does The Loss Of A Dog Hurt So Much?
To many of us, our dog wasn’t just a pet. They were a big part of our family and a big part of us. They brought love and companionship into our lives.
A dog adds routine and structure to our everyday. They were the influence that helped you go for a walk or go to the park for some outdoor exercise. Someone to tuck in every night and sometimes to share a bed with. They relied on you for love, affection, and care.
Sometimes, we don’t become aware of how much we relied on our dogs for a sense of purpose until they are gone.
When a dog dies, it is completely normal to feel such a strong sense of painful grief both mentally and physically.
I remember my pastor at church describing the loss of a loved one feeling like a “ton of bricks” pounding you up against a wall. Yes… that is what it felt like to me.
When grieving the death of your faithful companion, it can be as painful, if not more so, than grieving the loss of a human friend or family member.
Grieving is unique for everyone.
The method people use to cope or survive the loss of a beloved dog can be very different between members of the same family.
How To Cope With The Loss Of A Dog
Keep in mind that everyone is different and will take a different amount of time to grieve and go through the healing process of losing a dog.
The way that we personally grieve is an expression of the love that we felt, the pain of the loss, and what we need to do to be able to keep going without our faithful friend.
Remember, your dog’s memory isn’t gone, it will remain with you forever.
Below, I have pointed out some helpful steps to walk you through the grieving process and finding ways to heal and keep the memory of your dog alive.
4 Ways To Cope With The Loss Of A Dog
Allow Healing Time
Reach Out for Help
Make a Memorial
Meditation and Prayer
Allow Healing Time
It helps to recognize and accept that your dog has passed away. Acknowledging the reality of their death is the first step towards healing. This was the hardest part for me.
Healing will happen when you go through the pain.
It sounds difficult, but it is the truth. The relationship you shared with your dog is a very special and unique bond. Going through the proper motions will help you find peace and start the healing process.
Moving Towards The Pain:
Take the time to work through All of your feelings. It is important to allow those hard to bare, heavy, sad thoughts to come through.
It is so difficult, I know, but it is necessary to heal.
It is OK to let it All out, Cry it out. Don’t hold it in, just let it go.
Take time to release your emotions in your own way. Healing won’t happen if you stuff your emotions down and ignore them.
My Personal Experience:
I promise not to go into too much detail, just what helped me heal. For me, crying was a big part of releasing my pain for Reno’s loss. Reno was 14 years old. So, he was considered a senior dog…but he didn’t seem like an older dog to me.
Just that morning he was romping around the house, playing, and barking as usual. He never showed his age.
When everything started to happen that evening, I felt like I was in some sort of “Robot Mode.” I didn’t know what was happening, I just felt numb.
I took him to the emergency vet. We spent the evening there, looking for answers and finding issues. I did not know that it was time to say goodbye. I wasn’t ready, I was in denial.
The following morning, decisions were made to help relieve my dachshund from his suffering.
I had to say goodbye even though I didn’t want to. When I arrived home, I was in total shock. I had never felt these strong, heavy emotions before.
It was all so new to me. I felt like I was spinning out of control and I had no one to catch me when I fell.
Writing It Down:
I prayed for help and something told me to write it all down. I found an old notebook and a pencil and I wrote down everything.
Though I had family members concerned and sad for me (they were sad too), they didn’t know what I was going through. It was all bunched inside of me and I had to let it out.
My pencil couldn’t keep up with the words pouring out of my head. I wrote at least three full pages of details of what I could remember. I tried to make sense of it all.
When I was finished, I felt that spinning in my head stop. The weight of that shocking event had been released.
I wasn’t done being sad, but this was my first step to be able to breathe again.
So, for some, it may be crying to release their emotions, but taking time to reflect and writing things down may also help you find some relief.
Make Time To Heal:
Give yourself permission to grieve. Take time out of the first few days of your loss to stop and just sit quietly, cry, or just take some deep breaths.
What happened to you does matter, a lot!
It doesn’t matter what others say or think. Your dog loved you, and losing them feels like you were hit with a ton of bricks, literally.
You can’t rush grieving time. Be easy on yourself and allow yourself to feel what is in your heart.
Take Care of Yourself:
Finding ways to feel normal again is an important step. Develop new routines and make adjustments that define your life moving forward.
Losing someone we love can be draining emotionally and physically.
Keep breathing, eating, and getting enough sleep. Treat yourself to some comfort food, you deserve it.
When your dog passes away, it is normal to question the purpose of pets in your life. It is so important to come to terms with this question and help you through your grief.
Don’t be discouraged if you don’t find the most stable answers. It is healthy to keep asking questions.
The grieving process will happen gradually over time. It can’t be hurried along or rushed.
Keep this in mind, there is no time limit on grief.
It is yours alone, not someone else’s. Be patient with yourself and allow the process to run its course naturally.
I learned that feeling upset, shocked, and alone are totally normal reactions to the loss of a pet. Never feel ashamed.
You are not alone and You will be OK.
Allowing yourself to show your feelings is not a sign of weakness. This is a part of healing to help you be able to move on.
Ignoring your pain or bottling it up inside will only make things worse.
Hardening your heart will only end up Hardening You.
It is necessary to face your grief head-on. No one feels comfortable doing it. It is something that needs to be done.
Other Living Pets:
If you have other pets at home, try to continue your normal daily routines for a little while, for their sake. Your other pets can also experience loss when a pet dies. Giving them more affection, making special play times, or having more walks can help them feel loved and lift up your mood as well.
Guilt:
Guilt is, unfortunately, a common feeling after losing a dog. Instead of reminiscing about all of the love and care you gave to your companion, you find yourself asking the “What If’s”:
- “What if I had done things differently… “
- “What if I had taken him to the vet sooner…”
The things you should be remembering is how much you really loved your dog. The proof is in the pain you are feeling following their loss.
The initial sad feelings will lessen over time. Our love for our dog doesn’t end when they pass away.
Some owners hold a grudge against themselves and worry that if they let go of their grief, they are letting go of the bond they had with their dog. That is not true.
After we mourn, there will be a time of peace and you will remember the many good times together that will never be forgotten.
Keep Talking About Them:
Growing up in my house, we didn’t really talk about our loved ones who had passed away. It was like it was forbidden and too sad to bring up. That is so wrong!
Talking about Reno with my husband and my kids is part of the healing we need as a family. I want my children to ask me questions, even when it is hard to answer.
I want them to know it is ok to laugh about the funny times we had with our Reno. We also had funny songs we would sing to Reno.
We still sing them and we still talk about him. We will always miss him, but never forget him or shut him out.
Reach Out For Help
Seek out support from your close friends and family members – who are Pet Loving People. If there is any time you need them, it definitely would be now.
Talking with other pet owners who have experienced the death of a pet can be helpful with the grieving process as well.
Attend some social events, join exercise classes, or do some volunteering. Getting out of the house can help give you and your mind a break from everything. Try not to dwell on the pain all day, every day.
Take time out of your day for grieving, but still allow yourself time to keep living.
Don’t shy away from talking to people who care about you. They can offer genuine sympathy. My sister invited me to come visit her a few days after I lost Reno.
We talked and cried together for several hours. It isn’t easy for me to talk and cry it out with others, but when I did, I felt a sense of relief.
Some more weight had been lifted after I had that long talk with my sister about Reno. I will always be grateful to her for lending an ear.
If it helps to talk about your dog’s death with a loved one or even a counselor, then you should do it.
Bereavement Groups:
This would be a good time to look for a bereavement support group. You can search for Pet Bereavement groups at your local church or support center.
There are several bereavement support groups online as well for pets on social media like Facebook Pet Loss Groups, Reddit Pet Loss Groups, and pet memorial websites.
Did you know that you can contact your veterinarian and ask them for some help? They can help you find a Pet Loss Support Group or give you a Pet Loss Hotline.
Professional Help:
If you don’t feel comfortable talking with loved ones about your loss, then talk to a counselor. Search online to find a local counselor who specializes in bereavement.
If you don’t feel comfortable talking to anyone, try Art Therapy. Counseling and Therapy will help you release so much pain that is buried inside.
Don’t be afraid to talk with your doctor if you feel like you are struggling to get your life back to normal.
Don’t go on this painful journey by yourself. You need to get some help to be able to heal.
Avoid Non-Pet People:
Avoid People who have no experience and offer too much personal advice. You know who they are. I have plenty of them in my family, and way too many friends who can’t even fathom owning a dog in their spotless homes.
Some of them will try to be helpful but will only end up making you feel worse.
Then there are the people who compare their stories to yours and try to make you feel like their situation was worse. Some may even say, “Go get another dog to fill the void”.
I actually did think about adopting another dog. But, then I woke up! My Reno was a well “established” miniature dachshund that I knew for many years.
Bringing home another dog or puppy won’t fill anything. Eventually, yes, I want to adopt another dog down the road, but I am in no hurry.
I believe that taking the proper time to grieve is essential.
I look forward to that new adventure with a new pup someday, but not right now.
Make a Memorial
Celebrating the memory of your beloved pup can be a good way of establishing closure. Some people choose to write a letter, create a shadow box, or make a picture collage.
Some pet owners have a special funeral for their dog. A funeral can help you and your family express their feelings and share fond memories.
Find a favorite space in the home or a spot at their favorite park to spend time remembering your dog.
There really is no wrong way to memorialize your dog’s life and the special experiences you shared with them.
When Reno passed, the first thing I thought about was, did I take enough pictures? I had seen his face every day for so many years, I needed to see his face again at least in pictures.
I looked on my computer and realized I had tons of pictures of Reno. I went online and created a nice image collage. I bought a shadow box from the craft store and pinned the collage in the back and placed his collar and tags in the front. That is my memorial to my very special dog.
Plant a tree or a beautiful flower in their memory. Make a memorial donation to an animal charity.
You can choose as simple or as elaborate as you like. Your choice of a memorial is unique to you. It’s all about what you feel comfortable doing.
After you have taken time to grieve through the pain of your loss, take some special time out of your day to look at past photographs of your dog and think of the good memories.
Writing down some funny stories can also help with the healing process. Reflect and focus on the positive memories that you shared. Find time to feel grateful for the time you did have together.
Meditation and Prayer
Did you know daily prayer and meditation can help you feel better? It can feel upsetting and painful that the outside world doesn’t take the time to slow down. Choosing a calming practice like meditation and prayer can help you clear your mind.
Meditation:
Meditation helps to actively focus on your breathing and release any stressful tension or anxiety in your body. You can find free guided meditations or just calming meditation music on YouTube that will help you along.
Prayer:
Read through the Rainbow Bridge. Reading emotional things isn’t really my cup of tea, but it really did help me feel better.
Many friends and family around you will share their own personal opinions on pets going to heaven and thoughts of an afterlife.
What matters most during these times is for you to find answers that are right for you and your personal beliefs.
I do believe in God. I strongly believe that my dog, Reno, is in heaven and is waiting for me.
It is a special feeling knowing that I will see him again when my time here on earth is done.
I believe that your dog will be waiting for you too.
Please know that the hard feelings you are experiencing now will become more tolerable with time.
Remember, the time together with your companion cannot be based on how it all ended.
Death does not represent the whole relationship you had with your dog.
What has helped you cope with the loss of your dog?
Grieving the loss of your dog
Why is losing a dog so hard?
Coping with the loss of a dog
Mourning the loss of your dog
When a Dog Dies..
How to survive the loss of a dog
stages of grief after losing a dog
I can’t thank you enough for writing this article. It has helped me so much. I’m truly grateful you took the time to do this.
We just lost our sweet Roxie girl 12 yr old mini schnauzer to Kidney failure. This came on so sudden and out of nowhere, by the time she had symptoms it was too late and couldn’t let her suffer. Yesterday I was in shock and completely numb. Today reality has sent in a little more. I’ve cried so much. She was my world and I was her world! My Boo, my shadow and best friend. She has been the closet to me and this has been excruciating to say the least. I was searching for ways to cope and came across your article. It has helped so much knowing that there are people going through the same things and feel so strongly about their pets. She was a BIG part of our lives, she was a family member. I decided to write a letter to her and let her know how much we love her and all the things I was going miss. I thanked her for all the love and happiness she brought us. It was definitely difficult to write, but I feel a bit of release after writing it. I can’t thank you enough for the advice! It is definitely made a difference! ❤️
Hello Danielle,
I’m so sorry for your loss. I can tell that your Roxie was very special to you and your family.
Thank you so much for the very appreciated compliments.
When I wrote this article, I was very much in pain and feeling broken. When I looked online for answers, I couldn’t find any. It means so much to me that this is helping you through your loss.
I think it is an excellent idea to write a letter to Roxie. What a great way to share your fond memories and release some of the emotional pain inside. You are doing the right thing to take time to cry and just let it out.
I pray that you and your family will get through this. I know that it does hurt. It helps to continue to talk about Roxie as well.
Hello, I had to put down my baby of only 7 years last night, he was hit by car yesterday morning and though we were hopeful he’d make a recovery since he had no broken bones, the vet told us he had swelling in his head and lung contusions, and she also hopped For recovery but later that evening the vet called saying his blood pressure was dropping and he was having difficulty breathing and told us his little heart could stop soon. So my family drove to him as safely and fast as we could. He had some fluid coming out of his nose from how hard he was trying to breathe. We could have put him in a ventilation or euthanasia. His chances on a vent were very slim so we decided to let him rest, I could tell my baby wanted to rest. In the moment I Was so worried to keep him in pain I knew the right option was to let him rest. We tried to save him and I hope he knows that we did and how much we love him. We had a beautiful 7 years with my baby Simon. It was so painful to suddenly lose him, and it feels so much more painful now that we couldn’t have given him a perfect last day, but we couldn’t risk him being in more unneeded pain. I still can’t fully believe it. I wish it was a nightmare. But I know he is resting and I can only hope his spirit visits us when we need him. The rainbow poem you linked was beautiful. Thank you for your advice. I pray all our doggies are up there playing.
Hello Nathalia,
Oh no, I’m so sorry, Deepest sympathies for the loss of your beloved Simon. Losing your dog so suddenly is a shock and very painful to endure, and yes, it does feel like a nightmare. Your words are so true.
Deciding to let him rest was a strong and loving decision from your heart. I’m sure that he appreciates you relieving him of his pain.
He will always be with you, Always. Yes, I pray that all our pups are playfully enjoying heaven and waiting for us at the Rainbow Bridge. May your many fond memories of Simon warm your heart. Keep breathing and take time to mourn, so that you can heal.
Hi Ava
Thanks for sharing all this.
I lost my beloved dog (Major) tragically this.past Saturday. He was attacked by another dog in our backyard. His injuries were so critical that with my broken heart I had no choice but to put him to sleep. Tje pain is horrible as am trying to cope with the loss of my best friend, my faithful companion, my baby .
Ava thanks for all this that you shared in tour post. I ask God to give peace to my heart as me and.my family go thru his loss.
All my family is devastated as we all are animal lovers, speciall6my dad who is going thru dyalisis and.Major was an immense therapy for my dad.
Am trying to take it one day at a time. At home his spot where he used to sleep is were we will do his memorial.
We paid for a private cremation so I will be getting his ashes this Friday. Ay least I can bring him home.
He was an amazing dog and I will do everything in my power to celebrate and remember his life.
As much as I.love dogs right now I can’t find it in my heart to bring/ adopt another dog
Thanks for hearing my pain Ava ◇
Lisa
Dear Lisa,
I can tell you are suffering. I’m so sorry about Major (I love his name by the way). This is just terrible. I can tell Major was very special to you. Helping Major to find rest and not be in any more pain is a very hard choice to make, but made out of love.
It does hurt to lose your best friend and companion.
Thank you for sharing this with me. I know it wasn’t easy. I hope that you found some relief in writing it all down.
Praying to God for peace and making Major’s memorial is the absolute right thing to do as well.
I pray that you and your family will take each day at a time, breathe, and keep going. *Hugs*
My sweet little Dachshund died one and a half years ago and I am still grieving. Can’t seem to get over it. At age 12 she suddenly died of kidney failure. There was so little warning. The vet said if she’s not better tomorrow bring her back in. She died, at home, in my arms, that night. I have four children and six grandchildren, all of whom I love dearly. So why am I still crying over the little dog I only had for 11 1/2 years? Am I way out in left field, or are my feelings anywhere near normal? Wish I knew.
Hi Sandra, I believe your grieving feelings are very normal. I can’t believe it will be 1 year since I lost my little dachshund, Reno. He was my best friend. Having your dog for 11 1/2 years is a long time. It was a way of life for you. Having your dachshund around all the time was a normal day for you I’m sure. That is the hardest part for me as well. Our simple daily routines that we had, just me and Reno. Now, things are different, and it is hard to get over and move on. It does take time. We all have different ways of getting through it. Prayers for you Sandra.
Beautifully written. Unfortunately this is the worst part about being a pet parent, but you have some wonderful suggestions on how to deal with the grief. I especially like your idea about writing down stories. I did that after I love my French Bulldogs a few years ago and just recently found my notes about all the little things that made them so special. I was sobbing as I read it, but it brought back some of the little details that I otherwise would have forgotten. They’ll always live in our hearts.
Hi Jennifer, Thank you so much. This article was very hard to write (emotionally). I really appreciate your very nice comment. I’m sorry about your French Bulldogs. You are right, losing your loving companion is truly the worst part of being a pet parent. Very well said. Thank you again.
Dear friend, I have just finished reading you post.
Thank you a million times for the understanding loving care that you have in your heart.
My beloved boy, I miss him so much ,
His wonderful heart ❤️ stopped at 3.30 on the 13th February 2018. He was 13 years and almost five month of age. Always full of life until three weeks before I let him go. My Valentine to him that year was to make him free of his phisycal pain.
I think of him everyday with pain in my heart and reading you post has helped me very much. I will save your words so that I can read them for a long time to come. Thank you.
Hi Annamaria, Thank you so much for sharing. Your words truely warmed my heart. I was in tears when I wrote this article, it was a tough one for me to write. I hoped and prayed that it would reach people and help them through their great loss. I’m so sorry for the loss of your pup. It sounds like you had a long loving life with him. I can tell he was very special to you. I think of my doxie every day too and always will. Take care.